Sa Ham – I am She (2017 series) – 9 (Equation with Money)

It is said that Goddess Durga reached Earth on Shashti along with her four children – Lakshmi, Saraswati, Ganesh and Karthik. I will focus on Lakshmi today.

Women internalize one of the two social messages about material prosperity, depending on their family contexts. The first of which is – the source of material prosperity is a man and through marriage with a prospering man they attain it.

When a woman grows up unconsciously believing that, some of the following are possible. One, upon marriage she carefully and fearfully tracks her man’s financial growth. She may nag him to be better with finances, reprimand for not bringing enough dough home. She may get clingy about him, worried that he may spend the money in ways she has no control. She is excessively worried about his health because his longevity is important for her well-being. Since she believes she is not the source of prosperity, she is afraid she will lose what she has and can be found talking about money often.

She may cling to an abusive marriage because she has given the power of being prosperous to the man. Or if she walks out of it, spend a lifetime believing she cannot be prosperous anymore.

Where the man is prospering, she behaves in ways so others know that by wearing symbols of prosperity – new silk sarees, heavy gold and diamond ornaments. She ridicules other women when they don’t share her enthusiasm for wearing these symbols or cannot afford to wear them, setting off a debilitating chain of women eagerly hoarding wealth.

Further, if she earns she believes it is ‘second income’, a subsidiary income where the main source continues to be the man. Or that she is working for ‘time pass’ or to stay busy or for her pleasure. She doesn’t assume the full responsibility of earning.

Worse, she transmits this debilitating self-view that a woman isn’t the source of prosperity to her children and the cycle continues.

The other social message women may internalize is – the Universe of prosperity is in the form of objects to be possessed. How much cash do you have? How much credit can you access? How many properties and what is the value of it? How much gold and diamonds do you possess?

The focus is on chasing and building these assets. Thus they remain stuck in unhappy jobs that provide steady secure flow of these objects. “I know I am unhappy but I can’t afford to leave this job.” Further, because material objects are vulnerable and ephemeral, the fear of losing it is great. There is a continuous tension around building it up by searching for prosperous job opportunity, new ways to save and increase – mutual funds, stockmarkets, property buying and selling, investing in new financial schemes.

Earn. Earn well. Own lands and gold. Own the finest cars and gadgets in the land. The issue is not assets accumulation or high-paying jobs.

The issue is you made the verb “prosper” into noun “prosperity” – from your capability to prosper to external tangible signs that you are prosperous. You are constantly seeking validation for your identity as a prosperous woman through cash-at-hand and assets that you directly own. So when there is increase in your assets, you feel secure and good. Any decrease makes you nervous. This dependency on external objects for your identity deludes you from your power.

You are the source of prosperity. You take charge, believe in yourself and prosper. As long as you exist, you will always prosper – grow strong and healthy, succeed financially. If not in one way, then another. You are at the centre of your Universe, the Lakshmi of your world. You are the one earning, you are the one who is and can pay bills and donate. As long as you exist, you will prosper.

We do not value ourselves and trust our abilities. By narrowly limiting ourselves to finite amount of objects in our direct possession, we exclude ourselves from the universe of possibilities.

Early last week, a close friend pointed out the extreme imagery of survival I tended to create around money and gently rebuked, “You are replaying old stories and boxing yourself back in.” Early this morning another close friend offered me an all-paid trip to South America.

I sit quiet, recollecting the amount of travelling I have done, the food I have sampled, the artworks I have seen close at hand, the number of brilliant talented folks I have met and conversed with and who have enjoyed conversing with me, the diverse homes that opened up and can open up for me across the world, the many courses I have taken and books I learnt from, how if I wanted something passionately, I got it.

I sit with me this morning, embracing the Lakshmi that I am.

Maybe you should too.

Sa Ham — I am She.

You can read other posts of the Sa Ham - I am She (2017 series) here:

(1) Akaalbodhan

(2) Dashabhuja 

(3) The Battle

(4) Unconditional Love/Heal from Shame

(5) Identification

(6) she is She

(7) Battles are in our Mind

(8) Land Dreams to Earth

(9) Equation with Money
(10) The Battle that Isn't

(11) La Que Sabe/The Woman who Knows

(12) No Visarjan/Sa Ham