Sa Ham – I am She (2017 series) – 6 (she is She)

You are She, she is also She. The woman next to you is She.

I often hear remarks about women hurting women. I have written about it before in Painting a Suncatcher Together. I will reiterate the reasons why women do so.

In a circle (family or social group), when a man is central to resources, protection and future of progeny, the pack behavior is activated and women may injure each other to maintain access and control of the hub.

Interestingly, even if an alpha female is at the centre and holds sway over resources and protection, the pack behavior is activated similarly. Women injure each other similarly.

Many women, including myself, step out of such circles and connect with women of our choice laterally, sans any central figure. I have found such lateral connections surprising, healing and powerful.

I also know some women cannot bear to leave such circles as they are insecure and fear for their survival. Those women tend to be toxic, vicious interpersonally, and brutal unless you play by their rules.

Then there are folks who are attracted to toxic women and cannot leave them. These toxic women become a gatekeeper to resources you want. And soon, they become the centre of your universe.

In all cases, this is the core reason – women as a gender value themselves poorly.

When you value yourself, there is no need for a strong central figure. When you value yourself, you will be able to see/feel everyone as a resource and know how to create multiple alliances to meet your needs. When you value yourself, you will scan the environment easily and know who is a threat/toxic. You will not unnecessarily get trapped with them nor will you waste your energies attempting to be nice to them. When you value yourself, you will know much of the non-material resources you seek are within you.

Before you begin this process, it is important to shed negative stories of women –the saas bahu and the other woman genre. We women like to selectively reiterate and reinscribe such stories. So we manage to create a world where women hurt each other. As I discussed with a girlfriend earlier this month, we don’t share positive stories of sisterhood. Two women friends on a business venture together, a mother-in-law who stood by her daughter-in-law when her dad threatened to harm her, women extricating the other from a violent marriage and sheltering her till court made its decision, mother standing firmly by her daughter as she confronts the aftermath of a rape.

We sing praises of the Goddess, worship and admire her and yet refuse to note the everyday stories of women who were courageous and wise.  Few years back, I wrote about how important it is for women to give each other professional boost. Speak well and recommend in networks. Here is the article: Be a Megaphone for Women.

Note in the great battle of Goddess Durga, she was supported by other Goddesses. Myths say they were Her emanations. Each form of the Goddess playing a specific role in the battle to help Maa Durga triumph over the demon-king. In our path other women are other forms of Goddess, bringing specific resources to the table. When we align, these other Goddesses help us navigate social life effectively. 

None of this means you must exclude men from your networks. I have been supported and boosted by both men and women. Many women opened their homes for me and helped me find job opportunities. Many men supported me through difficult times and advised me professionally.

What I am suggesting is to zoom out of the notion of one man as being a central resource hub, a pathway to future growth and prosperity. Each of us is sufficient. And when we value ourselves, the need to injure the other woman is erased. When we value ourselves, the need to be circumambulate men/central figure is gone.

We learn the art of circumambulating ourselves.

Sa Ham – I am She.

You can read other posts of the Sa Ham - I am She (2017 series) here:

(1) Akaalbodhan

(2) Dashabhuja 

(3) The Battle

(4) Unconditional Love/Heal from Shame

(5) Identification

(6) she is She

(7) Battles are in our Mind

(8) Land Dreams to Earth

(9) Equation with Money
(10) The Battle that Isn't

(11) La Que Sabe/The Woman who Knows

(12) No Visarjan/Sa Ham