Parking Lot Relationships (PLR)

Parking lot relationships are those where two humans drive in together as a couple but walk out of the lot as strangers. This post is not about the ethics of such relationships. This post engages with the realities of such relationships and the fallout on women. This post talks about what many want to skirt and pretend otherwise.

Parking lot relationships (PLR) can involve both married and single women.  Single women (especially those divorced) are often targets—whether due to pity, or a belief “she must need sex” or a belief in her vulnerability.  This post takes a woman’s point of view. However, at no point do I hold women as Angels of Innocence.

PLRs are of three kinds:-

1. Men who offer sex as a form of companionship: Some men believe sex provides relief from loneliness for women they perceive to be so. They consider their presence and the act as a form of charity, something they do for the other and not as lust. Some women indeed are lonely and do derive companionship through PLR. Some don’t want the alter via. You may want to ask yourself if you are in need of such charity and take decisions accordingly.


2. Men who believe they are in only-sex contract: Many women participate in such contracts and are at peace with it. Some others notice a pattern. They find themselves being hounded for meetings/sexting/phone sex, like a wife has to provide food on table on time, the other woman has to be available on demand. They are coaxed, cajoled, or emotionally blackmailed. They also find the other aspects of their life are shunted, ignored, dismissed and that they are forced to present themselves as bodies without histories at all times. They are hidden as uncomfortable social secrets, ferreted away from family and friends in anxiety. Some women find it bewildering and dehumanizing. If such a PLR drives your self-esteem to a descent, time for you to take action. Dump the guy. Not worth it. Don’t give up your power.


3. Men who say they are in love with you: Some women are at peace with the contradictions of PLR and being in love. Some women are not. Men who claim to love you and want you to love them back while still maintaining secrecy can sometimes be toying with your heart, getting you to give more of yourself, as well as providing himself an alternate life and space to dwell. You have to ask yourself: are you willing to live that life in secrecy, never have the space to discuss the ups and downs of such relationships openly, to never be able to engage in love fully, to be never able to call at will but await and wait some more? If you are, go ahead. If you aren’t, dump. Move on. In all cases, don’t give up your power.

There will be men who will invoke Darwin etc. and say consensual polyamorous relationship is the natural thing and that monogamy is socially enforced, please don't bother about such monologues. Until and unless he is willing to live his "consensual polyamorous" state openly and does not continue to keep you as an anxious secret, it is still the same old PLR.

All said and done, love knows no boundaries for affairs of the heart defy reason. So does affairs of the body. Do what you will. Finally it doesn’t matter.