Take Back India-III (Taking Back Now)

(Hundreds of protest marches and petition campaigns are out on the streets this week—not just in Delhi, but all across Chennai. The demand is for a safe India for women. The demand is justified, indeed safety is a birthright for all women across the world and to ensure that is a necessary function and outcome of democracy.

Having said that, I want to reflect on this moment, this NOW. How can one take back India which threatens, intimidates, stalks, teases, rapes this moment, this NOW.

This post is part of series. Earlier posts can be found here: Men We Trust, Coping and Transformation. Subsequent post is a reflection on Solutions.)

My greatest fear when I was all set to return to India was India herself. The scars of the past haunted. None of the stories that emerged or experiences of other women friends helped much. I was afraid.

I do not know exactly when the mental transition took place. But it was a powerful call within to just take off and know her and claim this land and her people as mine.  Year 2012 saw me visit 9 states, all major metros, many cities and towns and more than 65 villages.You will find an earlier article on this here. 

If you are like me and don’t want to be exiled emotionally and physically from your birthland, then read on. But note, this is a radical no-nonsense post. Some of you may not like it.

To navigate India, the need of the hour is not morals or “modest” dress but rather how smart and skilled one is. Let us not forget the many women activists and women leaders in this country who traverse and put themselves often in danger’s way and yet somehow remain more or less unharmed. India is a battleground. One needs to behave as a soldier. Every mistake is costly and yet you can’t be afraid of the war.

 

   1. Defence: Develop connections in the areas you want to visit. See if you can also get some level of patronage from local bigwigs. Try to embed yourself in a group or an organization with strong grassroots connection.  Understand local culture and etiquette. There is a time to challenge and a time to conform. To note, where unsure, tight jeans is actually a deterrent to rape as it cannot be ripped or removed easily. Skirts and saris, on the other hand, are dangerous to wear, especially if you are travelling alone in places that are not well-lit or isolated. Choose footwear that allow you run easily, where needed and yet helps you maintain poise. Always decide which of your baggage you are willing to leave behind. I partition my belongings such that some are always disposable and those which are crucial are in light carry-ons.

There are several self-defence techniques. A recent one published on facebook makes some sensible suggestions. I suggest you look through them here.

2.       Practice Power Play: Note rape is often not because of lust, but is driven by a desire to establish power. Knowing this, have power in your hands all the time. When you walk in the road, or take a bus, or sit, walk and sit as if you are the Queen herself. I once found myself exiting from a relatively isolated metro station close to midnight (I had miscalculated travel time) in Delhi. I had heard stories of sexual violence in the capital and realized I may be in trouble. Could not find an autorickshaw or a cycle rickshaw and was forced to walk to my hotel.—some 10 mins away.  I decided that there was no way I was going to be able slink past and if I showed signs of nervousness I was more likely to attract attention. So I walked in the middle of the road, surely and steadily, giving steady eye contact to all who stood by, leaving many bewildered—was I plain crazy or was I a undercover cop or somebody important taking a stroll. It didn’t matter what they thought, I intimidated and confused them enough for me to pass without even one harassing comment. It is helpful to practice walking with an aura, with spirit.

Keeping power in your hands also extends to conversations. To ensure that the other person knows you are in control is very essential. And often, especially folks like me who enjoy entering into dangerous and forbidden territories, the battle is ensuring your opponent loses even before the battle begins. For this, you have to take pains to understand male psychology.  One of the ways you can do it is by practicing the art of flirting. Those who are shocked by this statement, please hear me out. Flirting does not need to end up in an affair or a relationship or intimacy. There is a kind of flirting which is more a power game—a way to connect the dots that make up a particular male psychology. It helps in multiple ways—one, it allows you to feel like an equal to a man; two, it helps you understand men which allows you to pre-empt any future move; three, it teaches you how to maintain power in all circumstances. Please note, although some of you will shudder hearing this-- Cleopatras don’t get raped. 
 

3.       Do not challenge authority until and unless you are established or well-connected in an area.  Become visible and respected either in the community or on social media or in important social groups.  When I have chosen to enter a possibly dangerous adventure, I make a quick risk assessment—threat versus deterring factors and never undertake an adventure where I am likely to be a loser. Assessing situations also helps you keep a cool head in tough times.  Through years, I have trained myself to take the best decisions in the roughest of moments.

4.       All said and done, you also need grace. Those of you who are atheists, you can interpret it as luck and then skip rest of the para. But those who believe as I do, as a friend blogger Danny Simon writes in his latest blogpost "Christmas--A Story of Trust"—a child-like faith in your God/Goddess is helpful. I do maintain a communication with my Mother at all times. She is my Sherlock Holmes, my private black commando unit, and also my leader in the battlefield. I trust Her implicitly and have never ventured to a place without getting a signal that I could. Even after that, if harm occurs, I am mentally already prepared to convert it into a powerful transformatory moment. One needs to be careful and discriminatory but not afraid.

Disclaimer: Please do not attempt any of the above until you have cultivated yourself to be a strong woman of spirit. The author is a woman who has made many mistakes and come into herself only in the last few years.

[Please refer to Voices for Damini Initiative for more articles on sexual violence]