Nurturing isn't Pampering

Nurturing isn’t pampering. No. A gardener mindfully observes her plants—the soil condition, water, pests, sunlight and other aspects of the weather—diagnoses and adjusts so as to improve growing conditions of the plant. So also us, the gardener for us, the plant.


There are always some universal basics—water, soil nutrients, sunlight. But beyond that is the particularity of each plant. So also us, the plant. We each are different each day. What we need is different although the basic ingredients of love, knowledge, and community remains the same.

Overwatering can kill a plant. And some plants need a ton of water. My betel leaf plant craves it all the time. My aloe vera prefers to be left alone sometimes. So also us. Some of us need a ton of attention. For some aloneness is important. Do we, the gardener know what we, the plant need?

Pruning may be essential for the growth of some plants. Yep, it is harsh. But it helps the plant grow. Do we take time to prune ourselves? The habits that wastefully expend our energy, the people and spaces that impede our growth, behavior that attract pests? Some of us need regular pruning. Do we know how much of pruning we need?

We have to check and regularly ensure soil nutrition. Growth is never continuous and happy if the soil conditions are not right. Are we taking time to learn or reflect? Are we seeking the well within and without for knowledge? Are we taking time to be quiet and inward? Again just as different plants need different soil types, we also need different forms of knowledge and different methods of reflection. Do we know what soil type we need today, this year?

Provided all conditions are suitable, some plants may sprout new greens, flower and fruit in some seasons and then become brown and empty in other seasons. Some plants are green all through the year. May flower frequently. May fruit frequently. Who are we? A plant that is evergreen cannot deal with the autumn fall. Some of us cannot veg out. Some of us need to be disciplined everyday and keep at it. Some of us will work on seasonal cycles. Who are we?

In all conditions, there is a time to grow and a time for quiet and a time to decay and die. This we must accept. The timings, duration, and output will vary. But in some proportion they will exist. Some of us try to pretend to be some other plant—one who needs love pretending to be recluse, one who needs regular discipline lost in autumn colours, some who need a lot of light staying in shade, some who need pruning terrified of the harshness—because after all the cool word is “gentle”! In the urge to get rid of the “inner critic,” often a harsh parent-figure, we rush to overpamper and overcare the child in us. The result isn’t growth.

The best way to take care of inner critic is to diagnose who you are—the kind of plant and the kind of nurturing you need—and provide that--improving soil quality, increasing sunlight or setting in shade, amount of water, pruning, and the discipline of your being. This may mean putting yourself through tough times, taking tough decisions, pushing yourself out of a stupor or it may mean just the opposite. If we are simply trying to please others by following popular or cool approaches we may fail to diagnose our particular condition.

And please, don’t trust your mind or heart or inner voice as yet. Levels of contamination and corruption vary based on our exposure to modern urban life. Yes, take advice but keep with the practice of diagnosis and adaptation. To learn to be a gardener is also a path to wisdom.

Take that step today. Happy nurturing journeys!

This is part of the third series on #1000Speak effort to spread compassion and love worldwide and the theme for April 2015 is Nurturing. Please find more info here. You may also follow us on Facebook here or twitter @1000speak or hashtag #1000Speak.