Tilling the Earthwoman: Mother Managers

Sketch Courtesy:Sunali Kumar (Singh) Do check the website of this lovely life skills teacher http://www.sunalikumar.com/

[For me, worshiping the Divine Feminine is an attempt to imbibe her presence in all aspects of my life. It is not a religious ritual, it is a becoming, a Sa Ham—I am She. It includes the workplace]

Scenario 1 : University Classroom (workplace for faculty)

He sat quietly and away in the University classroom. I had been informed that he had been suspended last semester. She sat in the front row with curious but slightly cynical eyes. And she who sat in the second row seems to be a playful, life-is-fun girl. And there she with well-oiled long hair patiently braces for who I might turn out to be.

I use a well-practiced and successful technique called love. I awaken the “mother” within. Mother, not as “mommy”—the bossy demanding woman who always finds faults and complains unceasingly or who coddles and smothers you-- but as that ideal quality that nurtures and believes and protects.

I note every student—those who speak and those who don’t, those make friends and those who are ignored. I hold each one as equal in my heart—whether they are able to express their intelligence right now or not, whether they are accepted rank holders or dismissed-always as bottom of the class. I observe everyone and wait to snare each one. I watch the mood changes, I watch the attempts, I watch the anger. And then I seize on it.

Talk to a student in your office room, walk a student to her hostel, or validate him in the classroom. Pay attention when s/he is talking, encourage the slightest of positive nonverbal. Smile broadly at the smallest success.

Once they are snared, demand and demand more. Remind them of their potential. Express surprise when they can’t. Applaud as they make the efforts. And smile when they succeed. Like when the quiet boy finally participated in a classroom discussion vociferously. Like when the girl in the front row looks forward to your class like an adoring puppy. Like when the life-is-fun girl does not stop playing but also puts in more effort than she usually does. Like when the girl with long well-oiled hair relaxes, self-evaluates and uses the classroom to develop her intellect.

Once a student spoke about her struggles with her bachelor studies, I told her that bachelor studies was just too basic for her—I saw her as a doctorate and that is what she must prepare for. Well, she recently completed her doctorate.

Tangible results—increased attendance, increased participation in class, increased interaction with faculty outside classroom, increased interest in subject of study and for faculty—joy at work!

Scenario 2: Corporate workplace

He has heard of me. Wonders if I will throw a temper tantrum, wonders how the work atmosphere will turn out to be.

I note the background. Don’t talk much. Just observe. Provide evidence that I have observed “taken-for-granted” moments and give positive feedback. Gain his trust. Let him know you believe in his potential. Applaud small successes. Make it a point to let others know of his success. Protect him from bureaucratic manoeuvres. Give him the space to grow.

Then demand. Demand he produce a project better, an analysis better, an event better. Demand in love and care and in belief. Watch him transform from a subordinate to an efficient manager. Smile.

Tangible results: Projects completed faster, eagerness to work, workplace satisfaction

Moral of the stories: Ahem...loving is a very practical thing to develop in oneself whether in a corporate workplace or university classroom or anywhere else. It results in positive feelings within and outside, greater collegiality and increased productivity.

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Many years back I read a book (cannot recall the name now) where the Indian author pointed out that we spent most of our productive daylight hours in the workplace, in essence of most of our life at the workplace. And yet, workplaces tended to be non-nourishing, non-encouraging and often demotivating. He argued for treating workplace as a nursery for human souls on the path to realize their full potential and argued for certain values to be put in place to achieve that.

Having had many wonderful bosses myself, men whom I fondly remember as “Mother-managers”, with whom I learnt to think better, present and write better, work better and most importantly, became a better human being, I am called to advocate for active “mother” qualities in the workplace.

We allow our precious little ones—the fragile, yet-to-be-moulded humans, our society’s future—in the hands of mothers and trust her to “parent” these little ones into good and healthy adults. And then tell her that she and her kind will not be suitable for workplace—to nurture fragile work atmospheres, mould new paths, and facilitate the workforce to become fully contributing members of the organization!

Aah, some of you will object to the above statement. You will say aren’t there enough women who are managers in this country? I agree. They are women, but are they mothers in their heart?

Let me state this upfront—women and men are both composite of feminine and masculine qualities in various proportions. We desire more femininity in women and conversely for men. But if you are like me, you probably hate a completely masculine man or a completely feminine woman. A suitable balance is necessary.

Now let me state upfront the next point—femininity is not a passive or a weak set of qualities. For example, women crying is considered weakness (remember Hilary Clinton’s “out-of-the-race” moment when she had tears in her eyes) and yet you and I know, if I wept before you, you will leave many a job to attend to me. How many moments have your brain shut down seeing an eye brimming-with-not-yet-fallen tears? Vulnerability has its own place in the human society. Fragile human cubs, puppies, kittens, even just-out-of-the-shell turtle young ones are some of the most loved and cherished beings on earth. You may want to watch this lovely TED talk on power of vulnerability.

Femininity is not a passive or weak set of values. It is a powerful assertion of the compassion that is this Universe. For me the epitome of femininity has been a Mother Lioness. How her cubs run over her body, biting her ears now, clawing and scratching her, playing all over and near her; how she stays calmly, castigating her young ones every now! And then food or danger lurks nearby and you see her arise, her teeth baring, her muscles tense and ready, as she gallops through the grasslands to make her kill—watch her sink her teeth on that deer’s throat, watch her claws firmly hold the animal as he sighs his last breath. And then that bloody mouth retreats and welcomes the little ones to a feast. To the cubs, Mom is mommy—with all her lovely fierceness, her extraordinary power and strength, the amazing cuddly woman in their lives under whose underbelly they gain their succor, warmth, and safety.

And yet for some reason we unwelcome this femininity in our workplace. No matter what management theories or leadership qualities you may follow—the urge is towards a modified form of masculinity—maybe not as aggressive, not as competitive but still masculine—competition via rewards and through assessments, productivity through motivation and team exercises.

Ok, let us get to the point--how will motherly qualities improve work atmosphere and productivity and decrease employee turnover?

First and foremost, mothers do not suffer from insecurity about themselves. They may, however, suffer from a feeling that they do not know how to nurture well-enough. The focus of the mother manager is towards the employees, for their well-being, and for their success and they derive their satisfaction when subordinates attain their potential. Yep, it is not impractical—in fact when you practice it, your subordinate senses that trust and love in you and is called to his/her potential.

Because mother managers care and nurture, employees start to work hard not for material rewards but for sustained approval of their managers. For it is painful for a child as it is for a student or employee when the loving boss withdraws affection.

And to me both as a University teacher and as a manager, there has never been a greater joy than to see my students and subordinates transform. It makes my stay at a workplace a worthwhile place to spend my daylight hours at.

What about you?