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| The man who still sang for her |
On affairs of the heart, I have become kind of a cynic,
choosing to examine the flame with a certain detachment, enjoying it but watching
it flicker and reduce, and experiencing a certain kind of relief when it dies
out—Yes! Change is the only constant!
In fact, you can call me a critical love scholar. I have studied and listened to umpteen soulmate books, seminars and carefully
analyzing scores of research articles on interpersonal romantic relationships—a
knowledge depth that can give several popular love bloggers a run for their
money. In spite of that I would rather facebook or tweet Tim Minchin’s song “If I didn’t have you” and cackle as he blows a hole in Arielle Ford’s bestseller The Soulmate Secret .
And yet, there are moments, nah, hours, when I wonder. Like
when I saw him (photograph above), on that bus from village Jarangloi to Rourkela in Odisha, pull out from his wallet, a
crumpled piece of yellowed handwritten paper and sing. Sing soulfully in the memory of his
wife who had passed 8 years back-- a 1954 Hemantda's song:
Na
Ye Chand Hoga,
Na
Tare Rahenge,
Magar
Hum Hamesha
Tumhare
Rahenge
[The moon will not be there,
Neither the stars,
But I will always
Remain yours.]
Like when I read Zephyr’s post on an incredible Love Story that transcends disease, disability, isolation and even death. Like when
moments after I hijack my 78-year-old dad for a sweet evening with me, he says—let
us get something for her (and in my mind I retort: Why do you love that crazy
woman?). In his decaying eyes and trembling limbs I see a softness that I don’t
understand but which melts layers of distrust and disbelief.
And so as the fall falls on the beautiful July Fourth canyon and
the Virginia creepers turn red in my beloved New Mexico, and while the
rice-fields across India shudder in incredible wonder as the late monsoons drench
and tickle new growth, I say a blessing for all those who are yet to feel the
showers:
Have heart. Love may yet arrive!
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| July Fourth canyon, New Mexico, Fall of 2006 |
Interesting post Bhav...interesting to know the you are a love scholar. I am not one, but let me say something from my simple understanding of it. I think love is like death, one can write about it, sing about it, fear it or embrace the concept of it.... But unless one experiences it, one does not have any clue about it. Additionally, this simple mind needs to add, to make things complex, I am sure one persons experience is going to be totally different from any one else's....
ReplyDeleteThanks for the insight. Your writing is beautiful because of two factors. One because you write from the heart. Two because your writing makes the reader think and experience a different reality...
Thank you, Santosh for your words of wisdom as well as compliments. I guess I can't say much--one has to experience it, right! Where I am confused is here: does one feel it or does one develop and culture it--like wine?
DeleteI think love becomes mature and more beautiful with time. It changes from being passionate love to soothing, comforting and fulfilling love is what I feel.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLove scholar -- now that is an interesting term, and a beautiful post filled with longing and introspection. I would love to know more from your knowledge. I don't know what a die-hard romantic is. I cannot be moony and dreamy all the time, and I would have a serious bout of diabetes if my hubby and I behaved that way :). But, I know in the way he holds my hand or squeezes my shoulder or in his thoughtful actions or stray compliments, the way his eyes twinkle and his face breaks out in a smile, the way we miss each other even when apart for a day though we spend all our together , that he is there for me, that I mean so much to him and that he wants to grow old with me. All the irritants become bearable, the fights can be handled and the idiosyncrasies tolerated because we have accepted each other with all our flaws. He has been through so much with me and has held my hand through all this. He knows me just as I am! Wow, how amazing is that! If that is not love then what is? And, yes love will come to you. I am certain of it. But, one must first learn to give with an open heart and then receiving becomes almost natural.
DeleteAah, now here is another heartwarming story that moistens my eyes. God bless you both and may be an example for others, specially cynics like me:)
DeleteThe line that came to mind as an instant response to this post - "Open your heart, I'm coming home" from Pink Floyd.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's a deeply insightful comment from Santa.
Aah open your heart is indeed a hard thing right? Those who do--I envy them! But sometimes universe pries the heart open too:)
DeleteLove happens all the time. And it is beautiful to see it shine through those eyes, those smiles.
ReplyDeleteIt may not last forever, then, what does?
So well said, Pattu! All one can do is dwell in the moment and cherish it:)
DeleteBeautiful post :D :D straight from the heart post
ReplyDeleteWow! A lyrical post!
ReplyDeleteJust lyrical???? (grumpy)
DeleteHi Bhavana
ReplyDeleteTo me love follows Newton's third law...The more you give, the more you get... :)
Ma'am, you are the expert practitioner. Yours words I hold to heart:)
DeleteLove Scholar :P .. I could never understand this funda of love. The only thing I know is that it can make the hot afternoon of Summer feel like the first morning of spring :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha--thats what you get with a nerd like me--I turn everything into academic subjects. And you my dear friend are perfect romantic!!! You made me smile:)
Delete'Love is there everywhere', I would like to add to Pattu's 'Love happens all the time.' But nothing is more heady than old love, as you have seen your dad buying something for your mother, or the old traveller singing na yeh chand hoga. For love needs to mature like wine, making it potent and enjoyable. That was a wonderful post, Love Scholar :)
ReplyDeleteYou said it aptly again--love needs maturity!!! I have found couples who have crossed 10years of marriage enter into a certain rhythm, a certain beauty which is heartwarming.
DeleteLove, a relative phenomena has an extremely peculiar trait; that it tends to bring about absolute & eternal happiness....No wonder, that the man you met in the bus still sings that lovely Hemant Kumar song for his late beloved or your 78 year old dad wants to carry something for his wife (also your mom)......However, as Love is relative, reciprocity and making sure that he/she knows that it exists, is equally important....else, it dies down.....dies down its premature and untimely death.....
ReplyDeleteDon't know how valid it is, but I feel like equating "Love" to a flowing river with lovers as its two banks........The water that flows through the river, in between those two banks signifies the "feelings". Just as a flowing river manages to chart out its course, so does love and the lovers…....
Another interesting aspect of this comparison is that like a river passing through its various journey phases, love also has phases….......So during its adolescence, you will find river banks to be closer to each other than ever during its entire journey; also water (incidentally crystal clear) flows with ferocity and makes some beautiful sound........Adolescent stage of love is strikingly similar as you will find feelings to be pure yet ferocious and melodious, lovers are closer and love reaches its prime……..
And then as river comes down the mountains, gap between banks starts to widen and flow is calmer than ever before; impurities/filth from nearby habitats starts to merge into the river. This irreversible process continues through the entire duration of the river’s journey upto the point of merging in the sea……..….When applied to the relationships, the filth/impurity is nothing but negativities that obstruct the flow of the water…….Yes as the love horizon widens so does the reach of love…..but key is the feelings (or the amount and quality of the water that river carries in between its two banks) that gets to decide whether it will continue to flow or will become a decaying river…………
Just as we have seasonal rivers, we do see instances of seasonal and momentary love…….Good rains in catchment area tend to help the water flow through those seasonal rivers and as rain stops, so does stop the flow of river……but then love remains, so does the lovers……..and the wait for the water……
And in some instances, you do come across situations where water either percolates down or the source dries up and the catchment area doesn’t see any rains….……slowly and steadily the resultant desert engulfs the river……thus killing the feelings and the love.....but lovers still exists.....waiting for the geographical miracle when water will again start to flow, perhaps through a new course and with new banks!
I thought I was the love scholar--but you seem to beat me to it:) LOL. I note your points, note it deeply. You seem to understand it quite well! I also note that you dwell on the process of love rather than its spontaneity. Yes, developing that kind of love is hard work and commitment. Lucky are those who bestowed with such gifts:)
Deletelove makes the ride of life worthwhile. Nice post Bhavana - may love shower your life with all happiness
ReplyDeleteDoes it, Priya? Thank you. May love continue to shower you with happiness!
DeleteNice stuff... Keep Blogging!
ReplyDeleteThanks Vijay!!!!
DeleteLove scholar! Interesting.. Love holds no record of wrongs has been my favorite quote... Well written
ReplyDeleteHahaha..I am a nerd all the way through--what to do!
DeleteLove scholar! Interesting.. Love holds no record of wrongs has been my favorite quote... Well written
ReplyDeleteand, in the big picture, "hatred never ends by hatred, but by love alone is healed" Once again, you draw us all in, Bhavana, and make us smile...thanks...
ReplyDeleteSo true, Alex...we need to heal by loving--not just potential partners but all...
DeleteWow , an awesome post - loved it :) :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Vinisha!
DeleteYes Bhavna change is the supreme ruler,it also frustrates us sometimes but in it's absence stagnation will rule,which would be much worse.
ReplyDeleteAah Induji, so true!!!
DeleteI loved what you wrote but there is absolutely nothing I can add to it. I suppose I am either too young or not so keen to learn and embrace love. I enjoy the solitude.
ReplyDeleteNevin, I love solitude also. It is only that I am growing old and hence wonder about life...
DeleteDid you want to write more to this post? Why do i feel like you have an unfinished business here? Love...a dangerous topic I rather touch it not....but loved your post.
ReplyDeleteLatha, you have started to understand me too well. I am not going to respond to your query...but maybe someday I will tell you-:) Yes, Love is way too dangerous a topic..I shudder from touching it myself and yet crave too -:)
DeleteVow a very interesting post :)
ReplyDeleteThanks!!
DeleteI love the story about the man who sang Hemant Kumar song. So cute :)
ReplyDeleteYes, it was cute and he is super cute!
DeleteBhavana,
ReplyDeleteI do not know but I always say that when we talk of LOVE we generally link it with ROMANCE only. Love in my opinion is of many hues - Parental love, children's love for parents, siblings love, friends love etc etc. Now love which is between two individuals as romance has many sides. As youngsters it is curiosity linked with infatuation. Lust is also thought of a love. I firmly believe that no two individuals in love can ever say that there have been no differences or arguments between them. But when they stick together inspite of all difference, a bond develops which can be called dependence on each other for emotional support as age advances. Some time back I had written a post TERE BIN about feelings when one partner is left behind.
Take care
How beautiful Jack! You write from the molten lead of experience...thank you! I need to read the post of yours...
DeleteSanta is totally right, i guess. its a experience different from person to person!!! and the way you write, keeps me in abstract. yes, i might have hurried in matching my views with santa as didn't hae time to read everybody's views!! But will try to go through :)
ReplyDeleteYes, Jayant, I guess it is different. I wonder how it is for you newly engaged???? (wink wink)
DeleteI am still missing ur posts :( ..
ReplyDeletebeautiful post bhavana mam..
and I kind of agree with the above comment by Jack, Love is in all kinds and love is beautiful
Bikram's
Thank you Bikram Sir! Thank you for your kind comments (LOL--was I formal enough?)
DeleteLove is so difficult to describe, Bhavana. For many years I was in love with what I thought was love, but it was only when I realized and started to love ME, that I found love from other people too.
ReplyDeleteAah, such wise words, Corinne!! Thank you! I need to first begin loving me well! Thanks for being here...your presence is calming!
DeleteBhavana,
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful post...absolutely heartwarming :)
One can not have fictionalized love. Love from one person to another is always a story....aah, love is the greatest emotion we are given to feel and to express.
Give it, wear it, feel it. Cherish it and feel blessed.
Loved this post!!:))
Panchali...frankly, my experiences of love has been it is something that one must feel to create poem and prose that is mired in tragedy. All of your experiences are so positive--I stand at the roadside amazed!
DeleteHmm...I'm still a learner, trying to make sense of everything. It's nice to hear what everyone has to say. And because this post is about love, let me share a few lines I came across a long, long time ago; they just never left my mind. (I really like these lines)
ReplyDeleteHere's how it goes, "Love was not put in your heart to stay, Love isn't love till you give it away."