A Chennai Friday

Sometimes it takes only that much—a simple act of wearing flowers in your hair to break the line that separates between those who can and those who cannot. Just a simple act of buying fragrant jasmine flowers for yourself. No, no bargaining over the price, simply buy and wear it. No, need to brush and braid your hair—just clip it in. Just that simple act for the personal to become political.

Sometimes it takes only that much—when you say “I am mangal” (I am auspicious) to break an overriding belief that whether I work or not, whether I serve the community or not, whether I am educated or not—I am auspicious only when I am married. Have you heard someone say in Chennai—“Buy some flowers for her, she is an aging sumangali, you will get some blessings.” A simple ritual that builds and sustains a formidable structure between those who are “blessed” with marriage and those who are not; a ritual that not only divides but also nurtures an acceptance to that belief. Ha, hegemony is a neat word! It not only means dominance, in essence, it means voluntary acceptance of domination. And so, sometimes it takes only that much to break a belief, to walk over ritual, to create new systems and beliefs. Say it!

I remember a young Tamilian woman studying in a US university, noted for her proficiency with expletives. One day, she burst forth: “Bhavana, I know I cannot be married through the arranged marriage system. I have to live outside it.” I discovered she was born to a mother widowed at a young age, who later married and divorced an alcoholic. You see, arranged marriages are the privilege of “blessed” offsprings of “blessed” mothers who have voluntarily accepted the system. The offsprings of damned women who went into second marriages or divorced are not “eligible” candidates—they don’t come from “good” families to be accepted by the marriage protocols. What a fantastic system that methodically plots ways to maintain hegemony!!! Then, in all those instances, it takes only that much, to break a belief, cross the line, kick a system—you say, “F@#k!”

I remember a woman once recounting how she was kept away from a blessing—although she could recite the Lalitha Sahasranama by rote, she could not participate in a Sumangali puja (the women who are auspicious by the virtue of being married) which included recitation from the same because her husband was missing!!! How I long to conduct a Sumangali puja where only women of courage and strength, whose hearts have opened to include all, would sit and pray to the Great Goddess for prosperity and peace on Earth! Sometimes, it takes only that much!

For all the ways women are excluded, and all the ways in which women accept damaging self-beliefs, and exclude their own sisters and daughters; for all the ways we exclude ourselves and accept—I say this: sometimes it takes only that much to break a belief, cross the line, kick a system—just do it. For me, this Friday, I buy fragrant jasmine flowers and wear them proudly. Follow suit.