Rapes on and on... (Solutions We Need To Seek)

In his previous post in this series, Subhorup from Subho's Jejune Diet wrote about Qs We Need to Ask. In this post, he writes on Solutions We Need to Ask--summarizing, still questioning, analyzing, self-reflecting, other-pondering, the myriad ways in which we can put an end to this aberration of natural phenomena. Please read on...

How should we punish the guilty? I was watching the TV coverage of the public protests against the recent rape, that of the 5-year-old girl. The people are really angry. Like me. They are outside the commissioners office, they are outside the home minister’s residence. Their anger is such that once they break through one barricade, before they move on forward, they vent their anger on the barricade itself, seeing it as a symbol of injustice and exploitation perhaps. They kick it, push it, try to bend and dismantle it, and even try to set fire to it. There is something telling about this image.

When we are in the grip of anger, we fail to see the problem as it really is. The same thing happened with the anti-corruption movement of 2011. The villain of the piece was made out to be the corrupt politician. But the real villain is the vicious cycle of deprivation and exploitation that has resulted in the majority of the electorate so desperate that they are willing to overlook the qualities of the person in return for short term gains and promises. A recent discussion about environment protection laws drove this home. Not one of the electoral candidates has ever positioned environmental issues at the forefront (or even at the rear) of their campaigns.

I digress, but in a way that is related. When Kejriwal decided to enter politics, there was a sharp divide among the supporters of the movement. But what we need is a breed of politicians who will listen to the pulse of the people, listen to their own hearts and take steps that might not be popular but will set things right. The way to address this cycle is to attack it at its root, and to initiate change where it is most needed. The problem is not the corruption but the mindset that says it is okay to be corrupt. The same principle applies to the subject of rape.

The solution is not merely in stricter laws or in greater security. These are important, but they are only supportive measures. What kind of a society have we created if we need to be protected from each other? What kind of a community needs harsher, more watertight punitive measures for its members? The problem might appear multifaceted, but the answers lie within each one of us.

As long as we are enforcing stereotypes – guns for little boys, barbie dolls for the girls, we will not even start making a dent. As long as we are endorsing and even cheering stereotype role modeling – soldiers for women, item numbers in movies, advertising that plays on gender, comedy shows and talk show hosts who get off on sexist jokes, we will not even start making a dent. But what about universal axioms like mother-in-laws and dumb blondes? Does this mean we become a humorless, staid society where we cannot appreciate the female form, male stupidity, or racy patter? No, not at all. But there has to be a whole hearted and honest attempt to embrace sexuality and sex at all levels, and restore to it the sacredness that it embodies for the human civilization.

We need to teach our children well, but to do that, we need to understand our own selves. I keep getting into trouble for being “anti-men,” but I believe that deep within every man and woman lies all that we abhor as base and animal and inhuman - a rapist, a molester, a pedophile.  It might be so deep that even reading the previous sentence might make your blood boil. 

Nobody in the present debate has addressed male rape – even though it is not uncommon. Nobody has addressed sexual crimes committed by women against children. Once again, a classic case of stereotyping. Men would hate to admit to having been raped, molested or abused, either as adults or as children. Charges of rape brought against a woman would be laughed at by the court officials if it even managed to get till there. We are all animals regardless of gender, with biological animal urges. Evolution or the will of the Universe or the need to coexist peacefully (with other intelligent and aggressive animals – other human beings) has compelled us to come up with ethics and morality, a manmade value construct, which the lightest of trials can blow to smithereens.

We need to start by acknowledging the existence of the base within us, by learning to not demonize the demoniac but embrace it as essential to perspective. It is the demoniac that makes the angelic so desirable. If we can see that, and treat each other as sacred in our incompleteness, perfect in spite of our flaws, and precious expressions of the will to manifest, we would have made a good start. It might seem strange to start here, rather than with the obvious perpetrators of wrongdoing, but the truth is that the only thing we can change is ourselves. As we change, our environment changes. This ripples outwards till positivity and groundedness overpowers the demoniac and the insecure. Not overpowers as in wipes them out, but restores them to the safety of inclusion and acknowledgment, the very lack of which feeds them at all other times.

Then we need to teach our kids. Teach them to understand and respect gender differences. To celebrate all their hormones, including those that protect and preserve and propagate us – aggression, sexuality, selfishness. Like I keep hearing, the only way out of pain is through it. We need to ask the right questions, even if they are painful. Pointing fingers, demanding and expecting an external fix will only get us so far. Take murder for example, an offence punishable by death if the court so deems. Been around for ages. Has it in any way impacted the incidence or frequency of murders anywhere in the world? Has the death penalty undone any of the loss to the loved ones of the victims? If anything, it has reinforced the reward mechanism of vengeance, only to be passed on through modeling, parenting or genetics.

We don’t need to stop being angry. We don’t need to stop demanding and expecting better functioning from our elected and appointed representatives.  But we do need to stop fooling ourselves that the problem is out there, and that we are not a part of it. We do need to stop focusing our anger on the administration, since it only turns it into a political game. To think that another administration will come and magically get down to doing things that are obviously not important is like thinking that the PMs office will come under the Lokpal (I will edit this post the day it happens) if the ruling party is overthrown. Politics is about keeping that hope alive till you get to power, and then either convincing you or helping you forget till the next elections. We need to become towers of positivity, so that all around us are impacted and encouraged, we need to lead the way with our own lives, by eliminating all that is self defeating, limiting, and unnecessary. As Picasso said, that itself is art.

Hate mail (dialog only, executable files will be filtered automatically) may be sent directly to my inbox (if you look around my blog, you will find it at multiple places) or posted in the comments thread.  I invite you to not only find the words you need, but also the courage to look within and start sharing your human revolution.